How not to Zumba

Priyanka S

We think that our boss (yes, yes – the very same from Ball Busting Boss Diaries post) is out to get us!

Ever since we expanded our business on a global scale (psst…have you heard? We opened a new office in Dubai), he has become a fitness freak and a health fanatic. Of course, one would think that it is to impress the ladies, but no! He wanted to stay fit and healthy so that he could “boss” over us for a long ass time.

Smart boss thought right. A step ahead of us, he realized that every influxian had to stay fit and healthy, for him to continue his Mogambo (think “Mr. India”) ways.

In an office with over 60 employees (all below the age of 45), one would think that there would be a few footloose (err…referring to dancing) people in our midst or at least people who can tap their foot rhythmically to a beat. Our dear boss thought the same and signed us up for Zumba lessons.

Oh boy! Was he wrong…

On a very pleasant Tuesday (21 June) afternoon, walked in two Zumba instructors, Suresh and Sindhu. For the lack of female attention in office (all the pretty ladies are committed/don’t want to indulge in workplace romance), many men wanted to bust a few moves with Zumba. Of course, they chickened out after a few minutes of “talking”.

Nonetheless, there were a few brave souls who wanted to shake a leg. They sauntered into the ‘Sunlight’ area, bopping to the beat as though they were professional dancers. They were all geared up to give the instructors a run for their money.

Batch Numero Uno (Psst…I was a part of this batch)

Taking a cue from what one influxian (of Batch Numero Uno) said at the end of the session, “Don’t know if we had more people in this batch or we were just bigger,” Batch Numero Uno were big built (putting it mildly). No offense to anyone, but the blue whales wouldn’t have had anything on us.

There we stood in rows of threes – a mixture of half giants and pudgy oompa-loompas, barely having space to stretch out our arms and legs.

Here are the graphic details…

Warm up
We were swinging our arms in ‘Hail Mary’ motion, slapping each other silly at every chance that we got; we trampled on each other…well…you get the picture!

Zumba
We were the perfect example of having ‘two left feet’. Of course, there were a few who picked up the steps easily, especially the half-giants who were standing up front, blocking everyone’s view. We were pleased with ourselves for mastering the ‘shimmy shake’. No, no, we were not in sync (at any point in time), but that’s one move that we all grasped.

Dancing in different directions and freestyling our way through the perfectly choreographed steps, Batch Numero Uno was diagnosed with dance dyslexia.

As the instructors were facing us, their left was our right and their right was our left. So when they went left, a few went left and a few went right, clashing and almost clawing each others’ eyes out. Well, we created a nasty Zumba environment, loaded with chaos and confusion. But, we had fun – we Zumba-ed our way through the songs and avoided dikkilona (the butt attack game from the movie “Gentleman”) as much as possible.

Cool Down
Tee hee…our beloved HR calls it “warm down”. In a way, he wasn’t wrong – it was similar to the warm up session, we busted similar moves, just slower.
At the end of 20 minutes, we had become celebrities (in our office). Photos were snapped, videos were taken and what not!
As the not-so-silent spectators cheered from the sidelines, everyone from Batch Numero Uno felt like Numero Uno.

Batch Numero Dos (Nope, I wasn’t a part of this – hallelujah!)[

Well to start off, they were all mini me(s) of Batch Numero Uno. Yes, they were all skinny or at least didn’t sport beer bellies with bravado like the previous batch did. Spectators/self-proclaimed cheerleaders were spellbound with this lot – they were totally in sync (err…at first).

Here are the graphic details…

Warm up
Okay! They were awesome. They were warming up like they would for a game of chess. You got that right, they were all dainty dah-lings, warming up like it would hurt the air around them – nevertheless, they were all in sync. But what they did next surprised us!

Zumba
Whoa…there was too much energy in the air! It was evident that none from the group suffered from dance dyslexia. Well, there was one - she-who-must-not-be-named, who stood on the floor like the Statue of Liberty (the torch was substituted with a mobile).
As the cheering continued, the other dancers did a lot of jhatkas and matkas that set the floor ablaze. The pelvic thrust move that most influxians did would have put Elvis Presley to shame!
All in all, it was fantastic (only because they had more space).

Cool Down
Batch Numero Dos would have continued Zumba-ing, if given a chance. But four songs later, they had to wrap it up and reluctantly cooled down.

While none from the second session broke into a sweat, the instructors, the cheerleaders, and the not so silent spectators were standing in a pool of it!

You may wonder what happened to our Mogambo. Well, he busted a knee and couldn’t be a part it.

Well, there’s always a next time boss!
Don’t cha wish your boss was cool like ours?

P.S – A weekly endeavor, the second class happened on 28 June. Believe it or not, there were more takers this time!

And no, our boss was away on business and missed Zumba-ing, yet again!